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Twitter is a constant source of entertainment and frustration in the modern world. But however much you may hate getting dragged into political arguments or jumping on the latest outrage-train, the social media platform does still do a lot to bring people together.
Filled with everything from conspiracy theorists to celebrity dogs, whoever you are and whatever your opinion may be, you are bound to find some like-minded users on Twitter. One of the most prominent user groups on the site are the elusive and mysterious unicorns known as "funny nerds".
As such there is a wealth of fantastic science jokes and geek references to be found within the apps infinite depths... But ask yourself this: Which ones are the best?
Well, wonder no more because after an exhaustive search of the entire twitter-verse, we can definitively say that these are - in no particular order - the funniest tweets about science, EVER. So lab coats and goggles on kids, let's get to it!
1. Astronauts and their egos...
"That's one small step for man. That's one open fridge for man. That's one good sandwich for-"
"Neil! Stop."
"I WALKED ON THE MOON, JANET"
933 people are talking about this
I mean, he does have a point, Janet.
2. We're all star dust!
Never trust an atom. They make up everything. #science #jokes
See Tom Bielawski's other Tweets
They're shifty too! Like, come on just pick one electron: particle or wave?!?
3. Oh no, Stephen! You and your paradoxes.
It’s only been a few hours and Stephen Hawking already mathematically proved, to My face, that I don’t exist.
113K people are talking about this
Seriously though, this is a gangser move, and I totally believe Dr. Hawking would do it. We miss you beloved all-around genius!
4. No science list can exist without NDT!
Neil deGrasse Tyson✔@neiltyson
In life, pure coincidences are statistically common, so a remarkable day is one where no coincidences occur at all.
12.5K people are talking about this
Oh, Neil! Is it possible to roll your eyes and have your mind get blown at the same time?
5. Facing your fears:
Astronaut Mae Jemison is afraid of heights. In 1992, she became the first African-American woman in space. (Photo: NASA.)
Clever woman. She realised you can't fall without gravity.
Technically she would always be falling, but the joke is still good.
6. Misleading title
Dear @ladygaga,
That is not how stars are born.
95 people are talking about this
I expected this kind of trickery from Barbara Streisand, but not from you Gaga. Not you.
7. Existential crisis in three... two... one...
"So what's new?"
"I recently built a robot."
"Why?"
"For the company, mostly."
"How'd it turn out?"
"Good. You're doing quite well."
3,415 people are talking about this
It's Blade Runner meets Office Space, starring Kevin James!
8. Technically correct
Not to start a controversy or anything but Planck's Constant is an absolute unit.
See Hi I'm Phil's other Tweets
"No way, bro. Planck's Constant is like, way small tho. Does it even lift?"
9. Why does Venus get all the coolest weather?
*flying around a ball of nuclear fire on a rock traveling at 67,000 miles per hour.*
Me: I'm bored
879 people are talking about this
There's not even anything on the magic instant picture box!
10. Science isn't always rewarding...
Scientist: knowing that flamingos turn pink because they eat shrimp, we fed one nothing but Gatorade for 6 months
Reporter: so what happened?
Scientist: it's dead.
154 people are talking about this
It did, however, run a four-minute-mile just before its heart exploded.
11. Not all algorithms are created equal.
David Lindsey Pittman ∉ GDC✔@dphrygian
If algorithms were waiters:
Twitter: “Your friends like steak, try the steak. But first, dessert.”
Amazon: “I’ll get that burger started for you, and here’s 10 more burgers to consider.”
YouTube: “If you enjoyed the wedge salad, perhaps you would also like: a plate of wasps?”
11.5K people are talking about this
Google+: "Guys? Guys? Seriously where is everybody, we have really good food, I swear!"
12. She's in too deep!
I just spent two hours in a cafe reading theoretical physics papers and now I’m pretty sure I know less than I did when I started.
ME, THINKING I KNOW PHYSICS: I'll just look at a couple papers to clear up this little question so I can fill in this number and get back to writing...
ME, 2 HOURS LATER: oh my god I know nothing, my whole life is a lie
177 people are talking about this
Relatively speaking, it probably cancels out anyway.
13. Ignorance is bliss.
Did Adam and Eve share the garden with DINOSAURS? The truth may surprise you!
Get Genesis: Paradise Lost now on blu-ray and DVD: https://genesis.creationtoday.org/?afn=20
Learn more about this groundbreaking film: https://genesismovie.com #Creation #Science #GenesisMovie
See Dr. Rodney Slusher's other Tweets
Next, you'll be trying to tell me Australopithecus and Neanderthals interbred. Ha!
14. The untold depths of caffein addiction.
[drinks six cups of coffee]
[still has MRSA]
Damn it, Coffee! You're supposed to fix everything! Now what am I supposed to believe in?
See dok lobster [emoji]'s other Tweets
It just... It doesn't work that way. Why would it ever work that way?
15. Um, actually...
“Shooting stars aren’t stars, they’re meteors,” he says. “You can still make a wish though.”
“I wish to see a real star shoot across the sky,” she replies.
“Dear god,” he squeaks as she smiles at their doom. Tears fall from his now-blind eyes. Skin melted to his ‘05 Prius.
235 people are talking about this
Some men just want to watch all of the known worlds burn.
16. Entropy always gives me the munchies.
the universe is a massive computation still in progress so there is no guarantee that this story is about you or that it even needs you
@leifromloihi it's going to get hungry when heat death hits & cooking at absolute zero is a bitch
It's ice cream and cold pizza again I guess.
17. Based on a soon-to-be true story:
zookeeper: Gorillas are so intelligent that they can even learn sign language
[i smirk and flip one off]
Gorilla: *signing* you and your kind have disgraced the planet and should pay for your transgressions
[i frown and then flip him off with both fingers]
569 people are talking about this
These gorillas and their liberal agenda!
18. Who are we to judge?
Alex, but online@Alex_but_online
Archeologist:[looking down at two male Australopithecus Afarensis skeletons in a passionate embrace]
Assistant: Early human remains?
Archeologist: Two men in a close embrace, no Homo
21 people are talking about this
Something, something, Homo Erectus.
19. Intelligent design seems kind of cruel...
GOD: you get four stomachs
COW: nice, how many are for treats?
GOD: you only eat grass
COW: *sees dog eating grass* is that a cow?
GOD: no that’s a dog trying to make himself vomit because he ate too many treats
COW: kill me
GOD: not until we fatten you up
1,459 people are talking about this
To satisfy the "science" qualification of this tweet, I must now inform you that animals with these types of digestive systems are called "ruminants." Boom. Science.
20. Gluteus Supremus.
has science gone too far?
76 people are talking about this
My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, "Is this your dog?" "Yes, she is. Her name is milkshake, and she's a very good girl."
21. The horrible truth!
*NASA Headquarters*
Reporter- Why did you name the Mars rover Curiosity?
Scientist- The prototype killed a shit ton of cats. Next question.
1,830 people are talking about this
Sometimes, if you want to build a Martian rover, you gotta kill a few cats. Whatchu gonna do?
22. Don't forget the surface ribosomes!
I submitted my assignment at 2356 when the deadline is 2359 im safe
I spent the most time drawing an endoplasmic reticulum because the guidelines said use of original diagrams I hate cell biology thanks pic.twitter.com/NIywTNNuMp
At least it's more fun than drawing punnet squares.
23. Dual purpose!
Spiders have it all figured out. They make hammocks using their butts and the hammocks bring food to them. Genius.
See Ryan Bateman's other Tweets
My one true dream in life is that one day they'll make a Spider-man reboot with anatomically correct spider mutations...
24. One thing we all know for sure.
Business school did not teach me how to
- Budget
- Pay my Taxes
- Invest
But damn do I sure as hell know...
THE MITOCHONDRIA IS THE POWERHOUSE OF THE CELL
Now if only my knowledge of respiration could be monetized...
25. The makers of our own obsolescence
'Now that robots move their limbs smoothly and with grace, I wonder how we’re supposed to imitate them on the dance floor.' - Neil deGrasse Tyson
— World and Science (@WorldAndScience) October 4, 2018
When robots start dabbing, that's when we're really in trouble.
26. He has a point.
One day on advanced eng. Math quiz
See Grundelan Potato's other Tweets
This looks like one of those problems we all say we'll "come back to at the end".
27. Scary accurate
me at work: wow i cant wait 2 go home n take a shower and make some food and wash my clothes n learn advanced biology and apply for NASA and make a breakthrough in modern physics
me: *gets home and falls asleep at the front door*
4,693 people are talking about this
I mean, I can always apply to NASA tomorrow...
28. Oh, okay-- Wait a second!
I was going to tell a joke about sodium, but Na.
3,813 people are talking about this
"Wanna hear a joke about yttrium?" "Sure." "Y?"
29. Anatomy is for heathens!
Red Dwarf Science @RedDwarfScience
Science Joke Alert
21 people are talking about this
Explanations NSFW.
30. Scientific priorities
Everyone loves that Einstein guy because he found some theory of relativity bullshit but imagine how popular he would be if he found the exact ratio of chip to dip
The perfect ratio of guacamole to Tostito is also known as "Avocado's Number."
31. My investment strategy:
Wu-Tang Financial @Wu_Tang_Finance
CANT HAVE ANY UNREALIZED LOSSES IF YOU DONT LOOK AT YO PORTFOLIO TODAY
Shrodinger’s Portfolio
To simulate the vial of cyanide we'll need to create another housing bubble.
32. The easiest way to stop the invasion
rofessor Kiosk @professorkiosk
What I would send in a rocket? Another, smaller rocket with an even tinier rocket inside of it, and then... a glitter bomb so powerful that the aliens will be finding it in their crevices for decades to come.
70 people are talking about this
Give em the old Russian nesting rockets!
33. Sage advice.
rachelle mandik @rachelle_mandik
beware diet advice that recommends "eating light," for that is most certainly the way you become a black hole
6,327 people are talking about this
I hear eating light requires you to be pretty massive in the first place.
34. In an infinite universe...
Todd 'Papi' Carlos@TheToddWilliams
"You're so vain, you probably think there are billions and billions of songs about you."
- Carly Sagan
223 people are talking about this
Carl's sister had a very short-lived music career, at least in this reality.
35. Classic Elon with his sort-of-crimes.
Apparently, some customs agencies are saying they won’t allow shipment of anything called a “Flamethrower”. To solve this, we are renaming it “Not a Flamethrower”.
80.6K people are talking about this
Look at it this way: a disgraced billionaire CEO turned super-villain is EXACTLY what 2019 needs to keep pace with the chaotic timeline we've been trapped in. So that should be fun!